I'm Sorry..

I would like to apologize for not being truthful and I just.. don't know what's been happening. I don't know how to say this, cus' you're like blood to me, but here it goes.

I'm sorry for talking shit because that's what everyone does. Naturally. I just don't remember why I probably said those things cus' it's been a while back. I get annoyed of everyone once they become too close to me or too clingy. It's a habit. I always tend to talk shit about everyone, but it doesn't usually bite me in the ass this hard. I don't know how you found out, but I'm REALLY sorry. I do miss you, I really do. I haven't seen you in months. I miss your craziness and everything. I know I can't use that as a loophole out of this, but I feel bad. I should have told you what was bothering me and I apologize. Yeah, I am a pussy cus' I usually can't tell people upfront of what I really feel. I didn't use you. Dude, to be honest, I loved you like a sister. Did everything together, talked to each other, etc. You were hella true to your words and I hella respected that. I looked up to you; I was envious. You had almost everything I wanted, but I slowly realized that I should be thankful for what I got. Idk. I talk shit because I get jealous. I know it's not as simple as that, but it's f'real. Ughh, I'm really REALLY REALLY sorry that I did hurt you and I hope you know that I still care for you. I know you hate me right now, but it hurts me. I don't wanna lose you. I understand if you don't wanna see me anymore etc., but I'm deeply sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know you won't forgive me. I wouldn't either. But f'real though, I still love you like a sister. If I didn't give a shit, I wouldn't bother to read your Facebook, Tumblr, or blogs. I wouldn't care to look at your buddy info or try to find reasons to visit you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't even be making this letter thing.. I admit, I am a fake ass bitch. I do betray people. I do break hearts and I do cause tears. I talk shit. I make people feel bad. I do things to make other people like me. I try hard to fit in. I'm sorry for my huge mistake. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for betraying you. I understand if you hate me. I understand if you never wanna see my face again. I understand if you dispise me. I would too. I just wanted to let you know that I still care cus' you're family. I'm still trying to figure myself out and I'm still trying to fix the bad parts of me. I know I broke your trust and Idk. I'm truely sorry.