Sweet Sixteen, Bby.

To be honest, today's the day of my sixteenth birthday party.. and I don't know how to plan it.
Confessions:
-I've been to many parties, but not people from school.
-I hate hosting anything.
-I'm usually not invited to many things.. so I don't know how a party goes.
-I think it's going to be lame.
-I don't know how to plan it.. and it would've been better if it wasn't so sudden.
-It's my fault. I shouldn't have asked for a party. Wait. I didn't. It was placed upon me, but abandoned soon after.
-Everything was last minute.
-I was the cause of the commotion between Joanne and her mother.
-It's all my fault.
-I'm in fear of hosting the most lamest party of the year.

My aunt Emily was talking about Vietnam one Saturday night about two or three weeks ago and somehow my mother also brought up my birthday along with that. She was surprised that it was my sixteenth birthday on the 7th of July.. and she knew that we'd be in Vietnam on that day. She and Joanne told me to just invite my friends and that they'll take care of everything. To be honest, I wasn't going to make my birthday big. Actually, I just wanted to go out and either go bowling or watch Transformers 2. Oh yeah! Kevin, Jovey, and I are gonna watch it tomorrow. Almost forgot! Anyways, they were so excited; told me not to worry except plan out who I'm inviting to my party. I was thrilled; never once in my life I have had a birthday party including friends. Sad? Pathetic? I know. I was just so.. isolated from my friends. Well, depending what group. The original day for the party was Saturday, June 27 at Morgan Hill. But a few days ago, right before the original day, Joanne got in an argument with her mother about her wanting to go to Los Angeles on the day of the party. The argument was not only about my birthday, but it was also about harbored anger within her she had held for many long years. The conflict resulted in her leaving the house without her cell, packing her clothes, and drove away in her Jaguar. Her mother called mines and asked her what she had said to Joanne in order to start her revolt against her mother. My mother was offended. It wasn't her idea in the first place to throw this party. After the phone call, we searched around San Jose, thinking of the possibilities where she might be. My mother tried her workplace, but she wasn't there. Then my mother realized that she was probably at her boyfriend, Davin's house. I don't know where she is now, but I prayed for her like another day didn't exist; but I knew as responsible as she was, she was going to be okay. So I guess the amazing party she was going to plan for me was canceled, but my aunt Emily convinced my mother to continue along with it. HOWEVER, yesterday she called my mother that she couldn't make it because of some other party. Thanks for kinda helping me with the idea but take off last minute. Thanks. My poor mother was in the mess; being accused of Joanne's rebellion and having to pay and plan for my party. I wanted a fun fairytale Sweet Sixteen, like the ones that they had on the show, but smaller. It was the total opposite. I had last minute changes, dealing with the conclusion that the people I really wanted to go couldn't go and people just hesitating to respond back to me. Maybe they didn't want to go? I wouldn't blame them. I just invited them because I didn't want anyone feeling left out of anything; everyone needs a buddy to talk to, right? Not a lot of people are coming, but random people are. I don't know how to deal with it! I don't know any icebreaker games or anything. I needed a party planner. I needed help, but no one was there. I kinda gave Leslie that job because I knew she was pretty good at it and that I know she's way more experienced than I, plus her birthday was just 9 days ago. Well, I don't know what the outcome of this party will turn out like, but I hope I can go to sleep tonight with a satisfied feeling within me. I hope I can sleep at all; I've been staying up for countless hours for the past few nights stressing on how this day will work out. I hope this will go well and I hope everyone will have fun. Until next time, see yuhh!

Sophomore Year 08-09

So this year had treated me pretty well. It was a stressful struggle for good grades, sports, recommendations, romance, friends, BOTT, and such. Grades: I don't know what I got for second semester, but I know a few letter grades aren't that pretty. The first semester was nice: all A's and one B. It's all good. Swimming: It was fun, EXCLUDING that stupid drama I had with a few of my fellow fishes, haha. It was nice when I had my spotlight. It felt nice to be the fastest free-stylist girl on the team for a while. But once the coach brought her out for the last meet, I get hella pissed off. "I was trying to hide her from the other coaches from past swim meets and come to most of the practices. Now she's going to be our secret weapon for finals!" -Coach McKay. I know this isn't everything, but that felt like a slap in the face. I was the fastest one on the team until she came along. Me: 36 sec. Her: 30 sec. flat. Recommendations: Ehh. I don't wanna say. It's stupid, haha Romance: Well, in my old blog, I ranted on & on about two guys I had fell for this year. I fell in love with one boy this year, and I'm really thankful that he had entered my life. He gave me self confidence, self respect, and basically everything else I wanted, not including a relationship I had deeply desired. If only I was older. But oh well. He was my first love, I guess that's why it's kinda hard to let go of what we had. The other boy.. screw him. If he doesn't bother anymore, why should I? No worries. Friends: Man, oh man. Without the main heads, I would've had the shittiest year ever. They defined the words fun, outrageous, outgoing, and CRAZY! I'm glad you guys entered my life and opened eyes to see the fun things in this world, instead of just coming home right after school and studying.
Well, I would continue this, but I'm too lazy. Instead, I'll fill this out:

How was this year?
It was pretty intense, having to deal with the drama, grades, sport, teachers, friends, and family. But in the end, it was totally awesome.
Did you fall in love?
I guess you can say I fell in love with Turtle.
How old were you through out the year?
15, yeah. I'm hella young.
Were you a trouble maker?
LOL. Somewhat.
Who was your best friend?
Jovelyn Gruspe
How many different boyfriend/girlfriends did you have?
I didn't go out with anyone this year.
Did you break any bones?
Nope.
How many different people did you kiss?
On the cheek? Idk. Lips? Nada.
Any MAJOR drama?
Not major, exactly.
Classes! 2nd period.
What was the class?
World History
Was it fun?
It was okay. He hella favored me, lol.
Who was the teacher?
Mr. Rick Torres
Did you like him/her?
He's cool. I love the favoritism!
Any funny moments in this class?
When he kept picking on Stephan Weston
Who sat next to you?
Jasmine and William Mendoza
Any idiots in that class?
Plenty. LOL.
3rd period.
What was the class?
English 2.
Did you like it?
Fuck no. She hella hated me.
Who was the teacher?
Ms. Elizabeth Del Real
Did you like them?
FUCK NO.
Any of those moments that you'll remember forever?
She called me hoochy. That's hella fucked up. I don't even dress like that on purpose.
Who sat next to you?
Uh Lewis Phanphongsa?
Any retards in that class?
Plenty. It's almost a remedial class.
4th period.
What was the class?
Geometry
Did you like it?
It was hella boring. I slept more than half of the year, and still managed the best grade in the class.
Who was the teacher?
Coach McKay.
Did you like him/her?
He's okay. He gets off topic a lot, but he favors me too.
Any embarrassing moments?
I snored hella loud that the other side of the room heard me. It's okay though. I was sick, haha.
Who sat next to you?
Eric Mesa
Any idiots in this class as well?
Many.
5th period.
What was the class?
Physical Education Course 2
Did you like it?
It was okay
Who was the teacher?
Mr. Jesse Tamez
Did you like them?
Love him! But he was mean at times.
Any romantic moments?
In that class? NO
Who sat next to you?
This one girl that kept touching and talking to me when i didn't even know her name. FREAK.
Any retards in this class?
Some.
6th period.
What was the class?
BIOLOGY!
Did you like it?
LOVE IT!
Who was the teacher?
Mrs. Tracy Pham
Did you like them?
She was cool. Really cool! Hella favored me, lol.
Any "crawl in a hole and die" moments?
Not in that class, except those times she placed me next to Banana.
Who sat next to you?
Banana, mostly.
Any idiots in this class too?
BANANA.
7th period.
What was the class?
Vietnamese For Vietnamese Speakers Course 2
Was it an activity period?
Sure! I did a lot of talking in the period.
Who was/were the teacher(s)?
Mr. Phach Nguyen
Did you like them?
He was like a cool dad.
Any good moments in this/these class(es)?
Those good old times with Turtle.
Who sat next to you[if you were sitting down at all]?
Anthony Ly and Charlene Vo
Idiots in this class?
Tony Vo and Pierre Nguyen. Lol.
The relationship status!!!
Date anyone special?
Well, I don't know if you would consider our past relationship as 'dating'.
What was his/her name?
Haha. Turtle.
Did you fall in love with this person?
Kinda Sorta Yeah.
Did you two break up?
Sorta. Yeah. Lol.
Who broke up with who?[if you two broke up]
He broke it off with me.
Did they leave you for your best friend? '
No, he kinda left me for Biggie.
Was he/she pretty?
She's pretty with makeup on ONLY. If she doesn't have any on, she looks disastrous.
Would you date them again?
I don't know. Maybe.
Did they really honestly love you? For you?
He liked me for me. But then he found an older version of almost me. LOL.
Did you love them for them?
Of course. I wouldn't love him any other way.

There's No Word

To describe the emptiness within me. I feel like there's a deep hole inside me; a place where he used to occupy my mind every single minute of every day. I miss the feeling of having someone to think about and also having someone thinking of me. I mean don't get me wrong. I am over him. I just.. don't know how to fill the space he left while also keeping a smile on my face. To survive junior year, I must focus and not let little romances and infatuations get inside my head; and if you know me pretty well, it's going to be an obstacle for me. To be honest, I don't know what I want. I want a relationship, but then I don't think I can handle one. It is somewhat planted inside my brain that school comes first and relationships are pointless and will just cause pain in the end. It is true, but why must I go after things that I can't have? I feel like I can't be really content or balanced until that emptiness is filled with the love I'm seeking. UGH. Why must I be so complicated, wanting to be loved?

P.S.S.- I miss your waking me up by calling me every night at 11 or 12 or 1 just checking up on me phone call. Just to let you know, after you told me about her, I checked my phone every night and stayed up for a certain amount of hours for the damn calls that never came. I waited every night to hear your ring tone and see that promise picture and your name light up on my phone. It never came.That was when I realized it was real; that was when I realized that you were officially over me.