To describe the emptiness within me. I feel like there's a deep hole inside me; a place where he used to occupy my mind every single minute of every day. I miss the feeling of having someone to think about and also having someone thinking of me. I mean don't get me wrong. I am over him. I just.. don't know how to fill the space he left while also keeping a smile on my face. To survive junior year, I must focus and not let little romances and infatuations get inside my head; and if you know me pretty well, it's going to be an obstacle for me. To be honest, I don't know what I want. I want a relationship, but then I don't think I can handle one. It is somewhat planted inside my brain that school comes first and relationships are pointless and will just cause pain in the end. It is true, but why must I go after things that I can't have? I feel like I can't be really content or balanced until that emptiness is filled with the love I'm seeking. UGH. Why must I be so complicated, wanting to be loved?
P.S.S.- I miss your waking me up by calling me every night at 11 or 12 or 1 just checking up on me phone call. Just to let you know, after you told me about her, I checked my phone every night and stayed up for a certain amount of hours for the damn calls that never came. I waited every night to hear your ring tone and see that promise picture and your name light up on my phone. It never came.That was when I realized it was real; that was when I realized that you were officially over me.
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